THE DISEASE OF POSITIVITY: Why Real Optimism Embraces Life’s Shadows

Optimal by LIV North
Sep 4
3 min read

In recent years, the self-help industry and social media feeds have been flooded with motivational slogans: “Good vibes only.” “Think positive and everything will work out.” While these mantras might seem harmless, they can carry a subtle, even dangerous, message: deny anything uncomfortable, suppress negative emotions, and pretend everything is fine.

This is what some psychologists call the disease of positivity—a fixation on feeling good at all costs, which can actually make us feel worse. When positivity becomes a rigid rule, it distorts reality, invalidates authentic feelings, and suppresses energy that could be used to confront life’s challenges.

False Positivity vs. True Positivity

False positivity insists that only light is allowed and that shadows are to be ignored or avoided. But life, in its raw and unfiltered form, includes sadness, frustration, loss, and uncertainty. These are not signs of personal failure. They are part of the human condition.

True positivity isn’t about forcing a smile or replacing every worry with a happy thought. It’s about cultivating a deep-seated belief in one’s ability to meet whatever arises—easy or challenging. It’s rooted in resilience, not denial. In this way, real optimism makes space for discomfort and acknowledges reality without being consumed by it.

The Cost of Denial

Research shows that avoiding or suppressing emotions often has the opposite effect we intend. When we push down feelings of grief, anger, or fear, they don’t disappear—they intensify. This suppression can lead to increased anxiety, physical tension, and emotional exhaustion.

By insisting on “positive vibes only,” we unintentionally communicate to ourselves and others that some feelings are unacceptable. This not only alienates people who are struggling but also deprives us of the growth that comes from engaging with life’s difficult moments.

WOOP: The Power of Seeing the Whole Picture

One research-based strategy that counteracts toxic positivity is WOOP—a goal-setting and self-regulation technique developed by psychologist Gabriele Oettingen. WOOP stands for:

Wish – Identify something you truly want.
Outcome – Imagine the best possible result.
Obstacle – Identify the personal or situational barrier that might stand in your way.
Plan – Create a specific “if-then” strategy for overcoming that obstacle.

What’s revolutionary about WOOP is that it doesn’t gloss over challenges in the name of optimism. It forces us to acknowledge potential setbacks and plan for them. This is constructive realism—a blend of hope and grounded awareness.

In other words, WOOP recognizes that success isn’t built by avoiding discomfort, but by facing it head-on. The obstacle step is where the magic happens, because it reframes difficulty not as a reason to give up, but as an integral part of the process.

Obstacles as Opportunities

The Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote, “The impediment to action advances the action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Modern psychology echoes this sentiment: adversity often acts as a catalyst for growth, creativity, and deeper meaning.

When we approach life with a mindset that sees obstacles as opportunities, we’re not pretending challenges don’t exist. We’re saying, “I trust myself to navigate them.” This is the heart of real positivity—it is not blind faith that everything will go well, but confidence that even if it doesn’t, we can respond with resourcefulness and grace.

Living Beyond the Disease of Positivity

To move beyond false positivity, we can:

Name what’s real. Allow yourself to admit when something is hard, scary, or painful.
Feel the feelings. Let emotions move through you instead of locking them away.
Use tools like WOOP to pair optimism with practical strategies.
Value resilience over cheerfulness. A calm, grounded presence is more sustainable than forced enthusiasm.

Life will inevitably bring both joy and hardship. Pretending otherwise robs us of the full experience of being human. By embracing both the light and the dark, we allow for everything a day offers and discover a steadier, deeper kind of optimism.

Because real positivity isn’t about keeping the clouds away. It’s about knowing you can stand in the rain when it comes, and maybe even dance.

Paul Larmer is a mindfulness coach, personal trainer, professional speaker, and spiritual guide. Book a consultation today, plarmer@livunltd.comf